Dreams you have set

The dreams you have set,
far, far away…
The dreams you have set…
They could all come true today.

The dreams you have set,
They’re simply goals you have set, and these goals,
can be scored.
But like all goals, there is a goalie
and a defense.
And it is their job to make your desires harder to obtain.

This is a wall that you must break through.
And it is a mountain you must climb.
All the courage in the world is required to complete this task,
but all the rewards you could ever want,
lie just beyond your reach in the palms of your hands.

Clear your head,
Cast aside the depression, anger, angst, and guild.
It’s there behind all the fears, doubts, and setbacks.
It’s behind that which you cannot see.
It is behind you.

It is behind you 100%,
There is nothing you can do about them now,
But you can choose how you respond.
Respond by letting them all drive you to not sit idly by and let your dreams slip away?

No, these are the dreams you have set.
And they are the dreams that you can reach.

They are the dreams that require you to wake up,
In order to live them.

Beautiful and sad

It’s that feeling you get
As an ambulance with it’s lights on passes you.

It’s that feeling you get
When you see the flag half-mast.

It’s that feeling you get
When you turn on the news at 6.

It’s that feeling,
Where for a brief moment,
You experience a myriad of emotions.
It’s that fear, that hope, and that memory,
And they all hit you at the same moment.

And that moment passes;
It passes as fast as the ambulance,
The flutter of the wind,
And the change of a channel.

It’s that single moment,
That is so gloriously sad and the passing of something beautiful.

Winter

It’s winter, and I like winter.

I like the cold, the wind, the snow, the ice, the air, and the overall atmosphere. I like the time off from school to spend with friends and family, and I had intended to write more during my free time. I thought of things I wanted to say, topics I wanted to discuss, but in the end I never wrote anything.

I’ve had a lot of time alone to think, and it’s dawned on me that I’m not very happy. When I came home from college the first time, my room had been completely changed, and while this house is still my home, it felt so different. More so, I miss my dog…I miss him so much. He would sit by me while I read, napped, watched TV, and sometimes I’d just lie on the couch thinking and he’d always be at my side. Baggins8

He passed away over the summer. We had gone out to visit a college that was a long ways away. We left early, and had asked a friend to look in on Baggins while we were gone. On the ride back, our friend called us to say that he was acting strangely and seemed ill. We were still an hour away. It was a sickeningly silent drive. When we pulled into the driveway I got out of the car before it had stopped moving and ran inside.  I found him laying on the kitchen floor, breathing slowly, obviously struggling.

Baggins4Baggins3

It was so painful to see this creature that I loved incapable of walking, he was always so…noble. Now he was a big dog, a good 170 lbs or so, and we got a towel to use as a sling. As we helped him up, he seemed eager to walk. We went on one last walk, slowly through the kitchen, through the sun room, through the garage, and to the car. We made room for him in the back and he climbed in. My dad drove us strait to the vet, and we helped him out of the car. People from the vet saw us and came to help, they took him back and we were told to wait.

I stepped outside. It wasn’t very cold, maybe 70 degrees with a slight breeze. I sat down on the curb. Cars were driving by and it was dark now. Looking up, I could see a clear sky and many stars. I don’t know how long I sat there, but eventually my parents came out and said that the vet was going to keep him there overnight and see if he got any better.

The next morning, I woke up early to go see him, but the news was not good. He had a heart condition that many big dogs get, and his heart was just too weak to keep going. The choice was either a) spend a lot of money on medication that would only help him live a little longer, and in not much more comfort at all, or b) put him down. We had to choose b.

Still to this day I can remember the touch of his fur, how my hand would pet his head and scratch right behind his ears. I can still remember how tall he was, and how he loved chasing the water from a hose. I can still remember how we drove down to Virginia to pick him up, and how we stayed at a hotel that night before driving back up. I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag and he curled up right next to me. On the ride back, he sat next to me the whole ride. I grew up with him. I remember a song my friend had showed me from something related to Lord of the Rings. It was a silly song…but it fit Baggins perfectly (who, we had actually named after Biblo Baggins from the Lord of the Rings). It was actually sung by Leonard Nimoy and it was…attrocious, so I’m not going to add it here, if you want to find it, here’s part of the lyrics:

Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins
Greatest little Hobbit of them all…

I guess it’s true, dogs really are a man’s best friend. I miss Baggins, but there’s more to this story.

My mother couldn’t stand the thought of the house being so empty when I was off at college and Baggins gone, and she rescued a dog from a shelter. Tristan, his name is. He loves her, follows her around everywhere, but he seems scarred of me and my father. Maybe it’s our height, size, or maybe he was abused before, whatever, but it hurts me when I see him scarred of me. I’m alone in this house a lot, and he’s scarred of me. When I sit down, sometimes he’ll come up to me, but if I get up he scurries off somewhere. I understand that he may have had a tough life, but it hurts, man. It hurts.

 

Wow, I had wanted to write about the winter…

Elizabethtown

So I was reading another blog, and the author had listed a quote in her bio that caught my eye. The quote was “I’m impossible to forget, but hard to remember” and when I looked it up I found it was from the movie Elizabethtown. I also saw some other interesting quotes from it and thought to myself You know, this seems like a movie I’d like to see. So I checked and sure enough it was on Netflix’s Watch Instantly so I sat down and started it.

I’ll give you a brief backstory as to why I thought this movie would interest me. My grandfather just passed away and we (my father, mother, and I) just got back from California yesterday. Now my family is quite complicated. My grandfather divorced my grandmother and remarried to a Greek woman, the family kind of split in two. To make this story shorter, my father moved out east and the rest of the family stayed in two different parts of California. So, with that would of the way, the plot for Elizabethtown is this: a young businessman flies to Kentucky for his father’s funeral where he sees the other half of his family (he lived on the West Coast with his mother and sister).

That right there was enough for me to want to see it, but I saw that it was also listed as a comedy and I needed a laugh. It was filled with a lot of dark humor, a lot of jokes about suicide and death, but it was equally filled with hope and life. The movie touched on the absurdity of how things are, and how people interact and cope with loss.

I felt like this movie helped offer closure for the funeral I just attended. It laughed at the ridiculous that my father and I also found ridiculous. It explored the tension among the family in a manner similar to what happened on our trip. The road trip from San Francisco down to Morro Bay, a five hour drive through scenic California was mirrored perfectly by the road trip across the country in this movies conclusion. Throughout the first 3/4th of the movie, I felt sad even though I was laughing at parts and enjoying it, but as it neared to an end joy overpowered sadness and I ended the movie feeling truly refreshed.

All in all, I feel that this movie ended the fiasco my father so truthfully called “My Big Fat Greek Funeral.”