Dreams and fears

Well, I move in to college on the 19th. I’ve barely spoken with my roommates on Facebook and I only know one other person who’s going to be there (although I talked to him last in Middle School).

I’m quite excited, but I’m also overwhelmingly nervous. A month ago I thought I was all ready and that I’d be totally fine with moving in, but now, a week before I leave it’s all starting to catch up with me.

I’m worried that I’ll be too shy to meet new people and that I’ll spend all my time alone. I’m worried that I won’t get along with my roommate. I’m worried that I’ll do poorly in my classes. I’m worried I’ll feel as alienated as I did in High School.

I’m used to being alone, after all, I’ve been alone my entire life but I don’t want to be alone any longer.

One night, I stumbled across this image in some forum. Something about it just spoke to me, and I couldn’t look away.

From darkness to wonder

I don’t know who this is or where it came from, and when I tried to find out it only seemed to be some desktop wallpaper that’s been floating around for a while. Anyway, what struck me about this photo is that it’s almost anonymous in nature—simply a hooded woman in the dark looking out towards a light source.

In this image, I see so much more. I see someone in the dark and in the cold, looking for something that they may not find for a while. I see someone alone, much like myself, thinking about life and the universe. I see someone awake at 3 AM, reading something on a bright computer screen, tired but continuing. I see someone who shares the same thoughts and feelings. I see someone who I want to talk to and share my doubts and fears. I see someone I want to love. (not the person in the picture, of course, but the characteristics that I see in this picture).

But alas! This is just a hope, a mere fragment of my imagination, that may never be.

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